I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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