All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
