Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
