I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
