I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
