I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize