I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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