Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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