Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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