I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
