He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
