I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
