Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
