I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
