What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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