just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
