he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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