oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I supernannyed him into submission
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize