Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
