There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i would punch a child for taco bell
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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