If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We left an ass print on the piano.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
