ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
