Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
