I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
