yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
