Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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