apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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