20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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