ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
