Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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