There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
