i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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