K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
