I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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