i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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