i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
