drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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