I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
