Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize