he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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