Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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