dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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