Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
