He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
