I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
