I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
