We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
