Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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