Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
