We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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