i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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