hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
