I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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