my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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