I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
