I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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