First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
