I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
