I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
