Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
