I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
