What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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