You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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