I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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