Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
