Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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