Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
