He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
