I need help removing her.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
