I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
