im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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