I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
