Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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